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High Crimes
High Crimes is the third episode of the first season of "The War Next Door." The episode aired on September 25, 2005. Plot When Dave notices how nice Hillary has been to him recently, he is certain it's because she's having sex with someone. However, Mike convinces Dave that he is wrong. Then, Dave jumps to the conclusion that she's smoking pot when he notices his stash has gone missing. As he's confronting her about it, though, he accidentally lets it slip that the missing stash is his. He then lies and tells her that it's not really his; it belongs to Vicky's mother, Betty, who uses it for medicinal purposes. Mike overhears this and buys some dope from the local playground to give to Grandma Betty (which he does) telling her it is from his dad. Vicky eventually finds the dope, and smokes it to help her cope with a boring book club meeting. Meanwhile, Grandma Betty has a party of her own. In the end, Larry is shown that he took the stash from Hillary's drawer, showing that she took the stash after all. Trivia *This episode originally aired out of production order. *There was a viewer discretion advisory before the beginning of this episode. *We learn that the kids have at least two grandmas: Grandma Betty & Grandma Rosalie. Quotes :Dave: When I was a kid growing up, my father's philosophy was "Do as I say, not as I do." Well, when I became a parent, I swore I would do better with my kids. So my philosophy is, "Do as I say - not as I hope you don't know I do." :Vicky: Hey, Mike, honey, I told my mom you'd spend the day with her on Sunday. :Mike: Grandma Betty? I don't want to hang with her. She's old and she smells funny. :Dave: Hey, hey, hey. She's your grandmother, all right? And she won't be around forever. :Mike: I know, so I should enjoy her while I can. :Dave: No, I was gonna say you won't have to deal with her much longer, but that's true, too. :Vicky (to Dave): Why do you think Hillary's having sex? :Dave: Think about it. It totally explains why she's been so happy and easy to get along with lately. I told you not to question it. Don't poke the bear. Yeah, well, somebody's poking somebody! :Dave: Great news, sweetie. Hillary's still a virgin. :Vicky: Good to know. I'll add that to the holiday newsletter. :Dave: Vicky! Vicky! :Vicky: What? What? :Dave: What happened to our stash? :Vicky: Our stash? Since when do we have a stash? :Dave: You know... :Vicky: No. I thought we decided to be more responsible, and you were gonna get rid of the pot. :Dave: I am getting rid of it. Little by little. :Vicky: So, you still smoke? :Dave: Not really. :Vicky: How long has this been going on? :Dave: Not long. :Vicky: How often are you doing it? :Dave: Not a lot. :Vicky: And more importantly, why are you doing it without me? :Dave: Not really. :Vicky: You didn't answer my question. :Dave: Not gonna. :Vicky: So, you're sneaking around smoking without me? What is that all about? :Dave: If you really want to know, sweetie, I... you know, it's just, you're not as much fun high as you think you are. :Vicky: What do you mean? :Dave: You act kind of annoying. :Vicky: Annoying? How? :Dave: How can I put this delicately? I don't know, you just, you never shut up, and you act like a total idiot. :Vicky: Oprah's full of crap! (slams shut the book she was reading) The only way she could have finished this book was if it was a piece of cheesecake. :Dave: If you haven't been getting high, then how come you've been so easy to get along lately? :Hillary: Because I've been making an effort! I can't believe you guys. You guys don't think that I can be nice unless I'm high? Well, screw you, guys! :Dave: Aha! There's the Hillary we know and love. :Larry: Well, I'm trying out for the part of Buffalo Bill. And I'm gonna get it. When everyone sees me on that stage, dancing and singing, they're gonna know how cool I am. :Kenny: I think that's awesome. But are you sure other people will? I mean, a lot of the guys in the drama department are gay. Are you? :Larry: No! And why are you always asking me that? :Dave: It's true. Parents that use drugs have kids that use drugs. So there's an important lesson here: don't have kids. Category:Episodes Category:Season 1